how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
