I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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