we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
