saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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