We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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