i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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