If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
