so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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