ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
