mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
