I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
