as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
