My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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