Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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