Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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