Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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