Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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