i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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