Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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