Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
