At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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