im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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