she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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