You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
