I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
