That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
