I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
