Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
