If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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