Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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