I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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