I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
