it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The air was thick with penises
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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