Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
sex in a hospital.. check
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
