BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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