i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
