low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
