So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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