I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
