He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
