he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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