He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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