I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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