My liver just broke up with me...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
