I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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