Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
