and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm bleeding and have questions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
