I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
