i barfeds in our rink
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
