why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
