I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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