I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
