It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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