At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
