I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
