I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
