is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
