Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
