He is an equal opportunity slut.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
