Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
