I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
