she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
