You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
