i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.