I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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