i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.