I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize