My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
