I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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