She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
