someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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