I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
