i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
