he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
