At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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