I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
