I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
