Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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