just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize