i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
