I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
